Saturday, April 01, 2006 - Half a mile from my home

Half a mile from my home 

Current mood:  contemplative

Some days I am really aware that I am living in America.

I wake up in an American home and look out the windows at this typical subdivision, neat rows of grey and beige boxes, felt roofs piercing the bigest sky I have ever seen. Double garages filled with bikes and mowers, huge SUV's sitting proud in the drive ways, the American dream.

By now it is so familiar to me, yet also so alien, so distant from the things I love. There are no walking figures, the streets are not jam packed, bursting with cars fighting for a space. It is still, warm , peaceful. I love it, but Oh how I long to see the haphazzard aray of buildings and colours of home.

And the people, so welcoming, so open. Truly wonderful, but not mine. Struggling to understand me and my accent, my ways. I feel like a foreigner when aspects of this culture, so ingrained in those around me, pass me by. And I long to be in a windswept home, rain thundering at the creaking windows, cosy with the ones I love, gathered around our affection for one another. No need to talk, to speak, just understanding, just knowing. And my heart tugs for home.

Yet as I listen to the music that lifts me most, that fills me with hope and faith, my spirit rises and a warm rush sweeps over me as I realise just how blessed I am. The songs I have always listened to that felt so far from me, are here, half a mile from my home. The presence I longed to feel, the life I longed to live is here, half a mile from my home. The people that inspired me and drove me and whose worship and teaching kept me hanging on by a thread for so many years in the greys of Britain, are here, half a mile from my home.

And I know, this is where I need to be, soaking in His love, His provision, His goodness.

So with a divided heart, that has never been so united, I sit and wait on Him. And a sorrow settles as I realise that I have only a few months left here in this wonderful place. A few more months to absorb as much as I can. And I can only hope that He will bring me back, when I am an us.